Taking care

Take care !

Who didn't hear that sentence when leaving a loved one? Wonderful words communicating the love and care someone feels for us.

If saying "take care" is easy, doing it is more complicated. Some can even feel guilty upon hearing these kind words for they encourage us to do something nice for ourselves, but it can be difficult, without a little help, to get them done. And when you don't know what to do for yourself, these words can make you feel inadequate, guilty even. Others with a full life, who spend a lot of their day dealing with all that comes with work, with kids, with a spouse, a house, a pet, all activities or persons that take precedence over their own needs don't know how to put a little "me time" in their day.

But why talk about it ? Is it really necessary ?

I share with you my thoughts on the subject, and they are my own. Here is what Life and experience taught me about some quality time with oneself. We each have a way of reacting to contact with our peers. Some of us love to encounter a lot of people and feel energised after such meetings. Some of us will enjoy the same encounter but feel like their energy level has been depleted and will need time alone to recharge before beeing able to socialise again. In these reactions we may be different but in our core, we are a social species who need social interactions to be happy. The quality of these interactions is directly influenced by the quality of the relation we have with ourselves. What is it that we value and how does it influence our behaviors, conversations and all everyday life? What opinions do we have on different subjects and how do we let them be known? The way we interact with our friends, our family, our boss, our coworkers, etc. depends on the position we take in our own internal life. Someone confortable with himself, at ease in his own shoes, assertive without being arrogant will be able to express her point of view with anyone in an open, secure and respectfull manner. Because that person is conscious of her worth, has goals and is secure in what she believes she will be sought after and others will want to comunicate with her. When we are not trying to convince, influence or sell our opinions but accept to share them openly, to have them meet other opinions without fear, then the only thing we risk is leaving the encounter richer that we arrived. Richer in knowledge and wisdom, two very important qualities that will help us go forward beautifully in life.

If I'm talking about the importance of taking some time for ourself, of taking care of oneself in the interpersonal relations context it is because I am convinced that it is the foundation of these good interpersonal relationships.

To take care of oneself, of that precious Secret Garden is one of the key elements to kow, respect and love who we are. It allows us to gather the ressources we need to face the World. By taking that "me time" you give yourself a message and that message says that you are important, you are worth it.

But how to do it?

No one size fits all for that subject. Some will go on a retreat, silent or not. Some will find a life coach, some will meditate, some will run or hike or bike or dance. Some will use auto-hypnosis, massages, books. Some will need it everyday, some not. It is not the how that is really important, it is the fact that you are able to take that time if you feel the need for it that is important!

That first sign, that teeny tiny voice or impression or feeling is the one that is hardest to recognize. It is that intuition that something is amiss, that feeling of something troubling, that impression to be lost, that is the sign to recognize. When you lack patience, empathy or are flat out angry at something that usually doesn't trouble you... React!

Often our first reaction is to look for a distraction, an immediate reward to soothe ourselves. Maybe you see friends, spend a lot of time in front of a screen, you may drink a little bit more. Maybe you'll compensate the frustration by indulging in of of your secret pleasures like food, sex, ... but it is good to recognize an avoidance strategy when it looks you in the eyes. All these behaviors are not bad in themselves but they are useless if they don't help you really cope with the situation and don't help you feel better on the long run.

Taking time for oneself, real time is not taught to children. We live in a society where Doing is often more important than Being. We are always asked what we do, not who we are, as seeing who we are is less obvious.

The importance of Being is becoming more and more relevant and its place in society demonstrated. In spite of it, its application stays oftentimes complicated, at least in the beginning. Like with every change, efforts and persverance are needed to instaure a new habit, but after a short time, the fruits of that new beneficial practice become obvious and a real improvement can be felt. That "me time" asks us to have the courage to look at ourselves in truth. It asks of us authenticity and honesty and it can start with some painfull realisations that can first appear unmangeable. By following that path, you will renounce the lies used to protect you, and will see the real you emerge. That new person will be filled with strengths, treasures, beauty and light, and that person will walk her true path with respect, freedom and peace.

If you feel the need to take some time for you, to deepen the relation you have with yourself, to discover the treasure that lies in you then contact me. It will be my pleasure to walk that path with you.